Life & Sex Vol. I: The Freshman Year
- Instagram: @BelltownPoet
- Sep 4, 2018
- 8 min read
Contents
I. On Self-Love
II. On Motivation
III. On Relationships
IV. On Fear
V. On Writing
VI. On Parents
VII. Inner Dragon
VIII. Flight Pattern
IX. Dark Side of Things
X. The Love Narrative
XI. On Respect
XII. Her
XIII. Her [reprise]
XIV. On Dreams
XV. Insecurity
XVI. Other Side of the Lights
XVII. Morning After
XVIII. To the Bad Days
XIX. Imagine Me
XX. You
XXI. You [reprise]
XXII. Back through the Dark
XXIII. In the Moonlight
XXIV. Faithful
XXV. Oppression
XXVI. Oppression [reprise]
XXVII. In the Moonlight [again]
XXVIII. The Future We Live For
XXIX. Sleeping on the Train
XXX. Sex Talk
I. On Self-Love
If it’s Love we seek,
It’s probably at the end of when we die
For that is where we try to rid ourselves of pain
Only to find that right before our tipping point
Through the tears is when we really come alive
And love is right there the whole time
Waiting in line for us to clear past the garbage we hold on to.
II. On Motivation
Let’s find dreams
Where we don’t have to lay
Awake sleepless
Drawing them on ceilings.
Let’s find dreams, together
Where we can be empowered
To step our foot forward
And it’ll be okay, even when it isn’t
It’ll be the growing pains we take from
To find our dreams where we grew them.
III. On Relationships
Find love unexpectedly.
I’m sure
When I found her,
I found me.
I dreamt a nightmare
The other day,
I think what it was telling me,
Was finally, my anger and anxiety
Is dying, and her love saved me.
IV. On Fear
Being afraid
Is less about fearing
Taking the first step.
It’s more about being
Afraid of taking the first step
With doubt creeping in
And it leads to nowhere.
Though that’s just our active
Imagination. It’s easier said than done.
Though the illusion unravels like calm waters
When we step our foot in it anyways.
V. On Writing
If I don’t write it,
Then my only friend I’m talking with
Is my demon, my shadow, my other half,
Whatever you call it.
My head is like a cup,
For every second my eyes are awake
It is like a spout pouring and overfilling
My mind.
I can drink from my own cup, but
Only so much then it becomes lies.
So if I don’t write it,
I wouldn’t be able to make a friend in you.
VI. On Parents
In our time
I’m thinking of my parents.
My dad works so long and hard
I hope he does not grow reluctant
Beginning to believe his kids have forgotten.
We’re just trying to work just as hard
If not smarter
So we can give back to him everything
He has earned…
But deep down all he really wants
Is his time with us.
VII. Inner Dragon
To the fire-breathing dragon
Spitting flames, hot coals
Mold over harsh words
When not in control.
The sun can be shining
Through serendipitous clouds
Light as a pound of cotton
And when hunger strikes
A slip of the tongue can produce
Humidity that can cause the calm
Water to ripple waves toppling
Over soft sand
Turning even the hardest rock
To rain.
VIII. Flight Pattern
Before the landing pad
We wish well wishes
The way misfortunes
Looks on beyond
The threshold
Between our faith and our lost.
We embrace and piece together
A string of hope, as thin
As the space between our fingers.
Through the clouds and over the sunset
I’ll look for you, once again,
On the next horizon.
IX. Dark Side of Things
I watch films, read stories
Of a comeback story.
The once heralded plague
Brings back to light
A hero who once stood tall
For something, for one thing.
With nothing else to lose,
They sacrifice to give, and in lost
They get in return, forgiveness.
X. The Love Narrative
She stood by my side
For she understood
A side of me that I chose
To neglect out of fear
Or anxiety, I feint
Or have shortness of breath
I can’t stand to see myself
When doubt begins to devour me.
But she sews up my scars, tenderly
And stand beside what I see
As a broken shell of me
With her hand in mine
She fills me up with hope.
XI. On Respect
No matter the circumstance
There is a dividing line
Between words spoken,
Actions taken, and
It’s a lot greyer than we see.
Though the way the sun and the moon
Meets at the horizon,
We thrive together the most
When we let one another shine.
Through the light the sun is king.
Romance in the cool blue reigns the moon.
And they live in harmony,
Because they know one would not exist
Without the other.
XII. Her
With love in her eyes
When she looks right
Through me
I am fortunate to have
Even just one love
From her, this is all
I can ever ask for
When my scars begin
To bleed, again,
From the convection of pain
That the world brings
With my eyes close
She makes sure to hold on to me
And help me open my eyes, again.
XIII. Her [reprise]
They say
“When you have someone
Good,
Make sure you hold on to them.”
For change is inevitable
And life comes at us fast
I only hope that through
Our trials and tribulations
You understand, the way I feel
Is less about words—though I try
To tell you everyday,
That you keep me grounded
While soaring high, at the same time.
You are unforgettable, and personally
One of a kind to me.
I hope you know that.
XIV. On Dreams
It came to me in a dream
Peaceful
The nostalgic wonder
Like waking up to the smell
Of sweet maple bacon
Frying in the kitchen.
I wake up and it’s still cold outside
And I long for a time
When I craved for a glimpse
Of how bright it used to be.
XV. Insecurity
I think I get it
with all the media and the images
Your self image is blurred
like the way you see yourself in the mirror
through teary eyes.
I get it
I’m not so happy with myself
Too
for I try to be strong, for us
when I know deep down
I am just as broken
just as shattered
as the cracked mirror
we can no longer look at.
XVI. Other Side of the Lights
I may not have it all figured out
that scares me, but
What I fear the most
is that I let it eat me up alive
like a deer in the headlights
My legs become stone
and I can’t move, and
let the 18-wheeler
run me down.
XVII. Morning After
I thank the morning sun
This morning
For when the light
Splashed and spilled a little
Over the horizon
The way waves of an ocean
Skips over the concrete wall
I’m encouraged and at peace
That amidst the chaos
And even for that few precious moments
I feel at peace.
XVIII. To the Bad Days
A toast to the bad days
That I hate,
A strong word, yes
But at the end of our clocking out
Those days have taught me
To keep moving and work harder
To find a way out and in to
Something new, or more so,
Towards my passions.
To the bad days, where it makes me
Realize
I don’t have to do what I gotta do now,
For I can always make good change happen.
XIX. Imagine Me
Imagine this,
A cold and bothered
Broken hearted
The son of a mother
Whose ambitions never
Faltered.
For every lackadaisical
Step that I take, I feel
That I have wasted a bit of her soul
So I do what I can to make myself
Successful.
XX. You
Don’t forget to tell me you’re here.
I know I see you.
But when it’s dark out
I choose to let the darkness
Overtake me
And I lose sight
Of the light
You have always brought in
To my life.
XXI. You [reprise]
Waking up beside you,
To open my eyes
As the first sign of light
Shines through
In between the covers.
I long to have time stand still
So that I can show you
How much I appreciate you
Instead,
Of making it seem
Like we are just there
You by my side
While my headspace is lost
Elsewhere.
XXII. Back through the Dark
I’m beginning to lose focus
The way my eyes begin to blur
Or the way a dirty windshield
Gets muddier when it rains
I’m a little lost at the moment.
The pit in my stomach aches
And there’s a burn, a fire starting
The way bourbon straight shoots
Down my throat with flames
I’m back at the beginning of it all.
XXIII. In the Moonlight
The sun does rise from the east
So does how all good things
Follow through, eventually
Like the way the sun sets
Peacefully on the west side.
I remember sitting down
Watching the horizon glow
Wondering if I’ll ever make it.
Many steps forward later
I’m sitting here proud of how I’ve made it.
XXIV. Faithful
I couldn’t imagine another life
Like a dream the way
I wake up beside you
No matter how physical, and how real
Your touch is to me.
It’s dreams like this I’m thankful
To be in the right frame of mind
With being okay that I can’t have it all
For we won’t ever have it all
But us and what we deserve, together.
XXV. Oppression
We are not who we claim to be
Being free is not a claim but a wish
That we can be free.
Our minds set bars high
That we attempt to break from.
Our synapses become hardwired
To dream freely and send messages
To the heart of the matter
Over and under until it triggers the right feedback
Or we just end up back where we were locked in.
XXVI. Oppression [reprise]
Who’s holding us down?
Is it you, is it me, the world around?
Trying to chase after this wealth
Can I breathe? Or should I pay
In my health and in time
This currency becomes my bones
I own all that I have
For I cannot produce anymore
But for the oppressor
My mind, body, and spirit is all I have left.
XXVII. In the Moonlight [again]
To the cold nights
When the moon dips low
Enough to fit in harmony
In the cusp of a powdery cloud
I raise a crystal glass filled with whiskey
I let the aroma climb up to me
Let the smoke bomb erupt
With the spirits trying to sing to me
Relaying back the good old days
As I toast to light from the moon.
XXVIII. The Future We Live For
Let’s live for the day
When every way forward
Is a lesson learned, or
A supplement to a future
Where our world view is optimistic.
Not because we become delusional
But for the fact we stood up for and
Walked the unbeaten path
While growing the callouses
That make us strong, and more immune to the negative.
XXIX. Sleeping on the Train
Music softly rocking
Either in the distance or whispering
Into my ear, gently, almost caressing
Though definitely dancing around me
As I begin to snug in to my seat and
Fall asleep.
The bells chime while the ride halts
I know I have a few seconds more
To contemplate or make my haste exit
As I open my eyes like the sun rise over the horizon.
XXX. Sex Talk
The taboo of your lips
As the words drip
From the tip of your tongue
Whispering sweet like nectar
In to my ear.
A caress of your finger
Crawls up my chest and
Lay your hand wrapped around
My chest as I press harder
While we hold on tighter to one another.
END OF BOOK I.
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